Sometimes... I sleep... Sometimes... I drink (too much)

I have began to notice a pattern with my sleep the past two weeks.

I love going to bed around 10pm-12am and having my first alarm go off at 7:30am and the final alarm at 8am. Then, I check my phone and roll out of bed.

Last Tuesday and today, that was not the case. I was in bed from midnight until about 3pm the next day!

I don't really know what it's all about, but I do know that when my body decides it is not going to wake up (and as long as I have nowhere to be), I let myself sleep, and man... is it glorious! I feel recharged and refreshed and all ready to go the next day, but the day of sleeping that late... I am so unbelievably lazy, I just can't believe it.

I have sat on the couch and putzed around my phone and computer most of the day today. Thank goodness I was proactive this evening and cranked out an entire paper within an hour, but really. I didn't even go to the gym and I have been obsessively going at least 5 days a week lately.

And then I've noticed a pattern with my weekends. I drink. And I don't mean drink for the taste or social pleasure of drinking... I am out on a mission to get plastered. I don't know what all of it's about (could be due to some of the drama going on with people in my life lately), but I am sick of it.

I hate being belligerently drunk! I am so rude and so mean. Not to mention the shit-show I am! And it does not help with my weight watchers and my workout schedule.

It's hard though... especially when you have friends who are drinking and pushing you to drink as well. I mean, I have no one to blame but myself for not putting my foot down and saying no, but that doesn't make it any less hard when your empty glass is suddenly full again!

I guess I just need to be more open about what I need from my family and friends. I am a human rug after all and it is pretty easy to walk all over me. I've allowed my people-pleasing abilities to get in the way of my life for years now, and frankly, I am sick of it.

I know what I want for myself, so why is it so difficult to tell those around me those things and mean it also?

UGH! I hate that people-pleasing side of myself 99.9% of the time.

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