Life Through My Bipolar Eyes

Have you ever looked at your reflection in the mirror and asked yourself, "how did I get here?" I'm having one of those nights tonight. I've been having a long talk with God and I feel frustrated because I just feel like I'm talking in circles and rambling on and on. It's like... Uhhh! Enough already! I'm really new with my faith and I'm extremely new at having conversations with God. (I would love to tell my coming-to-faith story, but we will save that for another day!) I've found myself in a predicament lately because I've been taking really good care of my skin, hair, nails, feet, but not really what goes into my body... the core of it all. A friend of mine and I just started a weight loss challenge, and both of us were doing great on our nutrition plans before that, but for some reason, when the challenge hit... (I can't speak for her) I froze. I panicked and felt as if I wouldn't be good enough... As if I didn't deserv...

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So, I had a dream last night and all I can remember from it is that there was a tiger and a huge terrarium. Suddenly the glass to the terrarium shattered all over the place and all around me. I had to walk on it with bare feet to try to run away from the tiger, but it chased me. Suddenly, it caught up to me and grabbed my right arm. I yelled for help and I saw my husband. I yelled for his help, but he shook his head and said, "you have to do it." I swallowed hard, and yanked my arm away with such force, I was certain it had been ripped off, and then I woke up. The "caged" tiger, the attack, the broken glass... It really had me baffled when I woke up and so I did what any logical thinking person would do... I turned to Google. Here's what I found... To see a tiger in your dream represents power and your ability to exert it in various situations. The dream may also indicate that you need to take more of a leadership role. Alternatively, the tiger represents...

To my loyal readers, I need to apologize. It has been way too long since I have last posted. I didn't feel I had much to share with you though. I was "normal"-ing out for a couple of weeks. I had been very manic, and I was coming down off of that mania and leveling out into a stable place. But then I began to slip. The darkness was coming at me, full force, like a freight train from hell. I stopped working out. I ate a lot of junk. I drank with the intention to get drunk. I stopped cleaning the apartment. We had HUGE piles of laundry that needed to be put away. I was going to bed early (for me) and sleeping late. It was difficult to do anything besides sit on the couch. My body felt as if it would just tense into a tight little ball every time I had to bathe. Life was just... hard. I didn't want to write. I didn't want to see it in words that I was in my depressed state again. I knew how I felt, I sure as hell didn't need it spelled out in fron...