Why do I hate you?

I look at myself in the mirror... Okay... Not too bad... I can work with what I see.

I see myself in a picture... DEAR LORD SOMEONE DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT CREATURE!!!

Why do I hate you? Why do I waste so much of my time examining every flaw, hating everything from your face, to your stomach, to your arms, to... well every inch of you! Why?

I have looked at you for so long in the mirror and in pictures and hated what I saw...

Until lately...

Now I see what the hate has done to you. What you have become is simply a product of my hatred towards you.

My heart hurts when I think of how I have looked at myself. No one should hate themselves.

I've recently started a new lifestyle. I've done it before and it was very beneficial. In less than two weeks I have results... They aren't earth shattering, but they made me proud of myself.

I'm done being the product of self hatred.

It's not always easy... I wanted to not like myself a lot tonight... But I knew I just had to fight harder than the negativity that fills my mind. I had to be stronger. Because there's someone depending on me... Me.

I was kind of down when I started writing this... but my heart is pounding right now... I feel a drive, a purpose, a love for myself that I can't wrap my mind around.

When I look back to my post titled "Facing the grief" there is a part where I mention a project my therapist gave me. She wanted to me to write down "What makes Jill happy" and "What makes me proud of me". I am happy to report I now have about 9-10 things written for both of them.

I don't want to hate you anymore. I want to make you stronger. I want to make you happier. I want to love you!

Just be patient with me.

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