Life Through My Bipolar Eyes

Sometimes things happen in our lives for a reason . You know when you are sitting in a coffee shop with another person, just talking... and you have a funny feeling that in this moment... this is exactly where you are meant to be. Talking to them. Sharing your heart, your interests, your fears, your hopes and dreams. That happened to me the other day with a friend of mine who I feel is coming back into my life at just the right time and for all of the right reasons. We were in the middle of our conversation, when I looked her in the eyes and said, "Doesn't this feel so serendipitous?" She agreed and we continued to piece together the puzzle of our wanting to see one another in strange and thought-provoking connections and signs. It was truly amazing and very moving. It's funny how people come and go in our lives... every day. It's also a funny thing how you can think you have wronged someone, and in reality, they simply love you and want you to be hap...

Why can I not access my full potential? What is holding me back? Mentally? Physically? Emotionally? What is it? Why does my mind have to be conditioned to run at the first sign of "failure"? I have been raised believing that success comes at a cost... that cost is your happiness. I have also been raised to be concerned about what others think of me. Therefore, failure is not an option. Right now, with the state my mind is in, I feel like a failure. But... why? Why should I feel as if I have failed? As a dear friend of mine told me today... She has, in her life, made a lot of mistakes, but she hasn't failed. She either succeeds or she learns. Never failing, but learning along the way... always. Some days, some nights, some times in our lives, the quicksand of depression pulls at our ankles, and it pulls hard and fast. Wanting nothing more than to consume all things good in our lives. Do you let it? I have let it pull me in. Consume me. Engulf me. Suffocate me...

My heart aches. I feel so blessed in my own life, but today my heart aches. More people dead. More violence. More family who will never again get to hold their loved ones. More friends who will never get to say goodbye to their dear friends. The hate. The anguish. The turmoil. What was it? Was it something someone said? Something someone didn't say? The way someone looked at you? Were you excluded? Were you popular? Why did you do it? What kind of hatred would consume your heart in such a way to push you to do what you did? Why? Dammit! WHY?! Please, by all means, pray, send positive vibes, positive thoughts, love, good juju, whatever will get you through this. But I also ask you to consider the idea that God will not fix this, but instead, we need to stand up and take responsibility and start taking care of one another. We are all so easily consumed with thoughts of what we believe to be right and wrong. So much so that we get angry with th...