Life Through My Bipolar Eyes

Do you ever feel useless? Like, completely, totally, and utterly useless? I'm struggling through this right now. I'm struggling with this post right now. I hate not working. I hate not feeling like I am making a difference or contributing. I hate committing to something and quitting after a week. I hate my fear of being successful and happy. I hate my flighty tendencies. I HATE ALL OF THESE THINGS WITH A PASSION! How come then I am able to hate these things so much but struggle with changing them about myself? Why is it easier for me to sit in my "hate stew" and absorb the hate until it has seeped into my core rather than simply get out of my stew pot and move onward and upward? Why do I sabotage myself and continually climb back into my stew pot to absorb more of what I hate? Why? I'll tell you why... It's so much easier for me to sit in this stew pot and hate these things about myself than it actually is to physically change. It's ...

Why is it easy to find the words when I am miserable. Today I am happy, however, after reading a blog that a friend of mine writes, I am beyond angry and upset. It isn't fair! The shit she has gone through throughout her life... It isn't fair. I hate being an empath sometimes. I don't even have to be around people and I can absorb their emotions simply from reading about them. Sucks. This is my short little angry post.