Becoming the storm

I'm sorry that it has been so long since I have updated or posted anything. Life has taken quite a dramatic turn for my family and me...

Matt and I moved in with my parents a while back. Since then, we have talked about moving out and renting a house, however, we have decided to hold off on this temporarily. We are in the midst of taking care of some bills and paying down debts while also enjoying the benefits of currently living rent-free. 

I have left school and since then, I have dipped my toes into some other waters and have learned a lot about myself and what exactly I am capable of. 

Matt took on a second part-time job, which he is in the final days of. He put in his notice last weekend. 

I have accepted a position with a company that will be opening shortly. I will be training as a supervisor, and I couldn't be more excited about the opportunities that are coming mine and Matt's way! 

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I took a brief hiatus from my blog as to keep on myself a little bit better about journaling for personal reasons. My psychiatrist has been going back and forth and is hesitant to give a firm diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder or Bipolar Disorder. She does believe it could be a mix of the two as well. 

My therapist did not want me to get carried away with research into BPD simply because I tend to take on characteristics of what I am researching and who I hang out with most often. So, I decided to take a step back and look at who I am, what I like, what I don't like... 

Since then, I have been doing some self-care in addition to reading some self-help books, all while maintaining medications, schedules, and therapy. 

What I have discovered, as I'm sure some of my readers/friends/family are already aware, I dive in, head first, to everything I decide to do. And it is typically a quick decision and I expect a quick and lucrative outcome.

Obviously, this has not been the end result.

I've really had to dig deep into myself and figure out what makes Jill tick as a person. I've had to work on some friendships, whether that has been letting go, mending, or creating new friends. I have had to feel some emotions I didn't know I harbored within myself and then decide if I wanted to let them linger around or let them go. I've gotten into with Matt over some pretty silly things, and some pretty heavy things, we are stronger as a result. 

What I am trying to say is that my life has changed. I have changed. 

I no longer fear good things for the anticipation of the storm that typically follows. Rather, I have decided to embrace the fact that I am the storm.