Coming to Terms

I am coming to terms with my new diagnosis. People around me tend to question it more than I do at this point. It can be a struggle, what with my lack of self-esteem and wishy-washy ways of not knowing who I am/am capable of being, but I am managing quite well.

My first DBT group was a little rough. I basically crashed during DBT due to high stress/anxiety/fear of not knowing what to expect. Also, I did not really get the chance to participate due to not being there previously to engage in the homework discussions. However, this week was completely different. I knew what to expect. I wasn't very nervous. I had homework and input to contribute. I was looking forward to it. And I was eager to continue to learn and apply more to my life.

Don't get me wrong. DBT is not an easy fix or a quick fix by any means. Already I have noticed that I have the tendency to focus very well on my skills at the beginning of the week because they are fresh in my mind from having DBT group on Monday. By about Thursday/Friday following DBT, my skills are not as present or noticeable in my day-to-day living. And by Saturday of last week, I threw all of my learned skills out the window.

Staying mindful and present are two very important as well as difficult things that are taught in DBT skills. Mindfulness is so key to everyday living for me, but I have a hard time with it.

Sometimes, when someone is talking I will drift off into my own sea of thoughts and emotions. When they ask for a response from me, I find myself startled back into reality and typically agreeing with whatever was just said. This is where my mindfulness skill comes in. So often I spend my time in my thoughts and anxiety either living in the past or the future of my life, that I completely lose the present moment. Mindfulness is hard.

A resource I have been turning to lately, in addition to my DBT skills, is the new book Braving The Wilderness by Brene Brown. If you have never heard of Brene Brown I suggest you go on Amazon this second and either download or order one of her phenomenal books! I started with The Gifts of Imperfection and have jumped to Braving The Wilderness now. She has more than those two, but she offers extremely valuable insight and depth into not only herself but yourself as well.

One of the skills I am learning from her new book is that we must listen to one another, whether we agree or not, with a curious mind. For example, someone believes the way they do and has formed the opinions they have formed for some reason or another. What are their reasons? Inquire as to why people believe/act/say what they do. Brave the wilderness. People so often get their ideas shut down nowadays by the nay-sayers, it is unusual and it is stepping into the wilderness to approach someone who has differing opinions than you with a question as to why they believe the way they do. It may open your eyes, their eyes, and it may not. Who knows. But it is new and it is brave.

Another thing I am learning from Brene Brown is how to be civil when speaking with someone who I may or may not agree with. In addition to civility, you have to learn what is a lie and what is complete and total bullshit.

I could talk for hours about these books and what I have learned and am learning. For now, I will recommend them to you. Check out Brene Brown.

And if you ever have questions for me, please feel free to ask!


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