Who Am I Now?


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Sometimes quitting is a good thing

I know I'm a little late to the party here, but happy 2018! It has been for me, thus far. What is new in my life? Let me fill you in... I have challenged myself to workout at least once every day for 100 days IN A ROW! NO BREAKS! And I am currently on day 22, so needless to say, I am sticking with it and I plan to finish and keep going! Working out has changed so much for me. I need way less caffeine. My quality of sleep has improved tremendously. I am down 10 pounds. I am so much more upbeat and positive. The rewards of this challenge have been astonishing so far. I'm very proud of how far I have come in this amount of time. I have also been watching what I eat. Don't get me wrong, I still eat junk every now and then, but most days it is pretty good. I eat smaller portions and I track them on my "Lose It" app. I also track my water intake which I try to drink at least 64 ounces of water every day. That has improved a lot of things as well. In particular, ...
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Facing the grief.

I'm kind of manic right now, but I'm really lacking the motivation, and I wasn't sure why until I spoke on the phone with one of my other mothers. She was kind enough, and brave enough, to tell me I need to get on social security disability benefits. This is the first time anyone has had the courage to tell me that I actually NEED this. I've contemplated this in the past and I've even had a free consultation from an attorney for it. However, I was not prepared for the paperwork I would need at the time because I was not in therapy, and I was still very confident that I would be able to find something that I enjoyed and could stay at long term. Unfortunately, that is not my reality. It's not that I haven't enjoyed most of my jobs, or that I just didn't want to work. My mind rejects the work and it comes out in my body rejecting the work through seizures. So, what does that mean for Jill's reality? The scary part is... I just don't know. ...
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I have days

I have those days where I push myself so hard that I just collapse onto the bed at night. I also have those days where sometimes I sleep all night until 4 in the afternoon. Sometimes I have those days where I'm super productive and I get everything on my list done and then some. Other days, I look at my list of "to do's" and I just want to cry. Some days I am thrilled to get out and see others. Then, there are those days where I could hermit myself into my bedroom and be alone. I have those days where I wake up in a great mood and everything goes right. I have other days when I wake up in a foul mood and nothing goes right. On the flip side, I have those days where I am in a good mood and nothing goes right. And then there are those days where I'm in a terrible mood and some really positive things happen. Some days I am manic beyond belief and spend ridiculous amounts of money on my credit cards. Other days I am depressed and the very idea of getti...
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