Life Through My Bipolar Eyes

So, you have a religion... Great. So, you have a political belief... Great. So, you have an opinion on bipolar disorder... Great. So, you feel the need to tell me and argue everything I post, even though you don't have to read everything I post, you just do it to start shit... Not so great. People are so annoying sometimes. I get it, we all have our opinions and beliefs, but why can't we all just agree to disagree and coexist like and treat everyone like what they are... a human being? I hate it when I post something that someone disagrees with and they get all bitchy/whiny/fussy about it and create a bunch of drama simply because they disagree with it. Then, they go about trying to convince me that their opinion is the " right " opinion . Seriously? When did it become your job to filter and screen everything I post on social media and "correct" it to go with your head-in-the-sand ideas of life? If you like what I post... fine. If you don't...

So, I went to get an IUD put in place the other day at the doctor's office. Everything was going well until they couldn't find my cervix. They told me I would likely have to reschedule for next week until I told them that I was leaving in two days for a week-long camping trip. They immediately made a call up to the OB/GYN and were able to get me in. "Why the urgency?" I thought to myself as I climbed the stairway to the second floor of the hospital, to the OB/GYN's offices. I got in to see the nurse very quickly. She explained that the doctor would go over the IUD with me as well as any other birth control options I may have not yet considered. Okay. No biggie. The doctor comes in and sits down. Instantly, I decide that I like him. Soon enough I would find out that I like him A LOT! He begins to talk to me about my past, about my surgery I had in fifth grade on my uterus... I was having pain underneath my butt cheek in my left leg. So much so that I was...

So, something exciting happened to me yesterday... I was approached (on Twitter) by a wonderful soul who asked if I would be interested in sharing an essay about my personal experiences living with bipolar disorder. The group (if you wish to follow on Twitter, and you probably should!) is @stigmafighters and they are doing some amazing things! Please give them a follow! And thank you for reading... You have helped me to make it this far. Thank you.

I wrote a letter ton Sunday. It was directed "To Whom It May Concern". It was intended for my friends, family, and Matt. It was my suicide letter. Thankfully (and obviously) I didn't have to use it. I am still here. ... Friday night. Everything was fine and going well, until I went to the restroom. I was bleeding. Unusually heavy for the first day. That's when I realized... This wasn't normal. I was having a miscarriage. My secret lately was that we thought I was pregnant, and apparently I was. But it didn't last. I didn't tell anyone. I began to drink. I drank so much that most of this weekend was a blur. I remember fighting with Matt, and some bits and pieces, but I was blacked out most of the weekend. I was self-medicating and I was going hard. Apparently, I'm a high functioning drunk because not too many people could tell that I was blacked out or completely unaware. That is until Sunday. I crashed. I hit the depression-wall so hard, ...

So, I still can't completely tell everyone yet what has been going on with me. However, I can tell you that I feel it is nothing at this point and I will be able to tell you soon enough. I'm done being consumed by things that most likely aren't true. And when I say consumed... I mean obsessively, crazy, researching every little thing online and in books-type of consumed. Let's move on from that. Anything that is negatively consuming your life right now, the way this "situation" is for me... Just let it go and move on. Be the one to take the first step forward, toward happiness, peace, and a less stressful life. It's way too easy to be consumed with worry and those ever nagging 'what if' thoughts. We are practically taught to think like that from birth, with the adults in our lives worrying over us (which they should). It's so sad to think of those people that spend the majority of their time on this earth worrying about things that are goin...

This is how I feel tonight, ladies and gents. It sucks so freaking much! I will fill you in with more details as to why I'm feeling this way, as they come. It's a slow process right now.