The first step forward
So, I still can't completely tell everyone yet what has been going on with me. However, I can tell you that I feel it is nothing at this point and I will be able to tell you soon enough. I'm done being consumed by things that most likely aren't true. And when I say consumed... I mean obsessively, crazy, researching every little thing online and in books-type of consumed.
Let's move on from that. Anything that is negatively consuming your life right now, the way this "situation" is for me... Just let it go and move on. Be the one to take the first step forward, toward happiness, peace, and a less stressful life.
It's way too easy to be consumed with worry and those ever nagging 'what if' thoughts. We are practically taught to think like that from birth, with the adults in our lives worrying over us (which they should). It's so sad to think of those people that spend the majority of their time on this earth worrying about things that are going to either happen.. or not happen, despite them worrying about it.
And that is what I have become the past few weeks. Everything I did brought me closer to the 'what if's' and going even deeper into this obsessively compulsive digging of my own 'worry-hole'. In addition to all of my manic-seeming tendencies lately, I have been neglecting my obligations. I have not been going to the gym in the morning, I have not been keeping up with school (I procrastinated this past week until Sunday evening at 10pm, when everything was due at 12am that night), I have been talking my loved ones' ears off about this 'worry-hole of what if's' (and believe me, they are SICK OF IT!), and I have gained about 10-15 pounds and tons of acne due to complete lack of self-care while I sit and ponder all of my 'what if's' in my 'worry-hole'.
How shit-tastic is that?
Seriously, WOW! What a way to spend the past three weeks of a gorgeous summer, after reuniting with some amazing friends... And I'm too busy freaking out about something that will either happen or not, and that I no longer have control over at this point.
I think that is one of my biggest problems... I KNOW that is one of my biggest problems... CONTROL.
I have always felt the need to control everything happening in my life. And when I can't control it, I worry about it, and fret over it until I a) have a panic attack and/or seizure, or b) something else happens to the situation that I lost control over and it just passes through my life, along it's merry little way.
However, at this point, I am learning to accept the things in my life that I have no control over, I process them in therapy, and then I let it go.
It has not been an easy road, getting to the point I am at now, where I am able to do these things and use the tools my therapist has given me with very little internal struggle on my end. However, it is possible for ANYONE to come out of the darkest of times/places and live a life of internal peace with oneself. Believe me, (and this is going to sound very cliche, because a lot of people have said this same phrase to me throughout my life so far) but if I can do it, you can do it.
Some times it is all about relinquishing control of the situation, letting go, and focusing on yourself, your happiness, and your peace of mind.
Let's move on from that. Anything that is negatively consuming your life right now, the way this "situation" is for me... Just let it go and move on. Be the one to take the first step forward, toward happiness, peace, and a less stressful life.
It's way too easy to be consumed with worry and those ever nagging 'what if' thoughts. We are practically taught to think like that from birth, with the adults in our lives worrying over us (which they should). It's so sad to think of those people that spend the majority of their time on this earth worrying about things that are going to either happen.. or not happen, despite them worrying about it.
And that is what I have become the past few weeks. Everything I did brought me closer to the 'what if's' and going even deeper into this obsessively compulsive digging of my own 'worry-hole'. In addition to all of my manic-seeming tendencies lately, I have been neglecting my obligations. I have not been going to the gym in the morning, I have not been keeping up with school (I procrastinated this past week until Sunday evening at 10pm, when everything was due at 12am that night), I have been talking my loved ones' ears off about this 'worry-hole of what if's' (and believe me, they are SICK OF IT!), and I have gained about 10-15 pounds and tons of acne due to complete lack of self-care while I sit and ponder all of my 'what if's' in my 'worry-hole'.
How shit-tastic is that?
Seriously, WOW! What a way to spend the past three weeks of a gorgeous summer, after reuniting with some amazing friends... And I'm too busy freaking out about something that will either happen or not, and that I no longer have control over at this point.
I think that is one of my biggest problems... I KNOW that is one of my biggest problems... CONTROL.
I have always felt the need to control everything happening in my life. And when I can't control it, I worry about it, and fret over it until I a) have a panic attack and/or seizure, or b) something else happens to the situation that I lost control over and it just passes through my life, along it's merry little way.
However, at this point, I am learning to accept the things in my life that I have no control over, I process them in therapy, and then I let it go.
It has not been an easy road, getting to the point I am at now, where I am able to do these things and use the tools my therapist has given me with very little internal struggle on my end. However, it is possible for ANYONE to come out of the darkest of times/places and live a life of internal peace with oneself. Believe me, (and this is going to sound very cliche, because a lot of people have said this same phrase to me throughout my life so far) but if I can do it, you can do it.
Some times it is all about relinquishing control of the situation, letting go, and focusing on yourself, your happiness, and your peace of mind.
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