A home without a foundation..?
Is it even possible to accomplish such a thing as a home without a foundation?
If your answer is no, then I have another question for you -- Is it possible to have a relationship without support?
I would say no.
I love my relationships in my life very much, however, that doesn't mean that they all don't at some point or another falter in some way.
I'm pretty good at causing a rift here and there. My friends and family can attest to that.
But -- I'm tired of always taking the responsibility and feeling like I am so difficult to deal with, when I know that I have worked my butt off to remain more positive, more kind, more -- me!
I take on a lot of guilt. I take on a lot of the blame. Sometimes, I feel like I have to take the fall for the problems in my relationships because I'm the one living with the bipolar disorder.
Unfortunately, I feel as if I've taken on so much of the blame and guilt, that sometimes the people in my life tend to fault me automatically due to my mental illness. Occasionally, I'm told I am difficult to deal with. That I am difficult to support.
Am I? Is that me? Is it the mental illness that I live with every day?
Or do people find it easier to blame my mental illness, rather than taking on any of the guilt themselves?
I get it. I used to do that a lot -- project my guilt onto others, so that way I wouldn't have to feel the feelings associated with mistreating someone.
Up until recently, I carried the guilt I had projected onto others EVERY SINGLE DAY in my heart and in my mind. I carried it with me every where I went and it showed in my pessimistic, emotionally needy, clingy personality.
But I'm learning how to forgive myself for my past and my mistakes. I've become more positive. I've began meditating to help stabilize my emotions (which I would recommend for EVERYONE! Meditation is truly amazing!). I've been trying.
That doesn't mean I don't falter now and then. But I do own MY mistakes, and I apologize for them.
However, I may have wronged some people in my life so drastically, that they feel I should take the responsibility for all the problems that arise in our relationship. I don't know. Maybe I have. Maybe they are projecting on to me because, like I used to feel, it is easier (in the moment) than owning your own feelings for yourself.
And maybe I'm just blabbing about nothing!
I don't know.
I guess my point in all of this rambling is that sometimes people living with a mental illness, such as bipolar disorder, get blamed for things they don't always do in the relationships in their lives, simply because it is easier for others to project on to someone else who has a problem-filled past and may be willing to take the blame for someone else's problems because they feel guilty for having a mental illness -- So they feel as if it is their responsibility to take on everyone's problems, when really people are just trying to avoid feeling their own guilt, and deal with their own crap.
WOW! #runonsentence #didthatmakeanysense
HAHA!
I think I may have just answered my own internal dilemma in all of that rambling.
I'm feeling guilty for having a mental illness, and how I used to act due to my mental illness, so I am taking on any guilt/blame any one is willing to put on me. When in reality, it may not be my guilt to take on.
#deepthoughtswithjill
I think I need to chew on this for a bit..
If your answer is no, then I have another question for you -- Is it possible to have a relationship without support?
I would say no.
I love my relationships in my life very much, however, that doesn't mean that they all don't at some point or another falter in some way.
I'm pretty good at causing a rift here and there. My friends and family can attest to that.
But -- I'm tired of always taking the responsibility and feeling like I am so difficult to deal with, when I know that I have worked my butt off to remain more positive, more kind, more -- me!
I take on a lot of guilt. I take on a lot of the blame. Sometimes, I feel like I have to take the fall for the problems in my relationships because I'm the one living with the bipolar disorder.
Unfortunately, I feel as if I've taken on so much of the blame and guilt, that sometimes the people in my life tend to fault me automatically due to my mental illness. Occasionally, I'm told I am difficult to deal with. That I am difficult to support.
Am I? Is that me? Is it the mental illness that I live with every day?
Or do people find it easier to blame my mental illness, rather than taking on any of the guilt themselves?
I get it. I used to do that a lot -- project my guilt onto others, so that way I wouldn't have to feel the feelings associated with mistreating someone.
Up until recently, I carried the guilt I had projected onto others EVERY SINGLE DAY in my heart and in my mind. I carried it with me every where I went and it showed in my pessimistic, emotionally needy, clingy personality.
But I'm learning how to forgive myself for my past and my mistakes. I've become more positive. I've began meditating to help stabilize my emotions (which I would recommend for EVERYONE! Meditation is truly amazing!). I've been trying.
That doesn't mean I don't falter now and then. But I do own MY mistakes, and I apologize for them.
However, I may have wronged some people in my life so drastically, that they feel I should take the responsibility for all the problems that arise in our relationship. I don't know. Maybe I have. Maybe they are projecting on to me because, like I used to feel, it is easier (in the moment) than owning your own feelings for yourself.
And maybe I'm just blabbing about nothing!
I don't know.
I guess my point in all of this rambling is that sometimes people living with a mental illness, such as bipolar disorder, get blamed for things they don't always do in the relationships in their lives, simply because it is easier for others to project on to someone else who has a problem-filled past and may be willing to take the blame for someone else's problems because they feel guilty for having a mental illness -- So they feel as if it is their responsibility to take on everyone's problems, when really people are just trying to avoid feeling their own guilt, and deal with their own crap.
WOW! #runonsentence #didthatmakeanysense
HAHA!
I think I may have just answered my own internal dilemma in all of that rambling.
I'm feeling guilty for having a mental illness, and how I used to act due to my mental illness, so I am taking on any guilt/blame any one is willing to put on me. When in reality, it may not be my guilt to take on.
#deepthoughtswithjill
I think I need to chew on this for a bit..
#ifeelmorelikeme
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