Paper Doll

I feel a lot like a paper doll lately.

For those of you who are too young to know this/remember, we used to play with dolls made out of paper with various dresses/outfits etc that kind of "clipped" on to them. It was cheap, and a lot of fun... to me anyway.

What I mean by my first statement is that I have always felt like a paper doll stuck within a sheet of paper, just waiting to be punched out of the sheet of paper and to be used for my ultimate purpose.

I know, kind of difficult to grasp, but this is honestly how I feel.

I've conformed my whole life to be someone I'm not. I've been polite to/kind to people out of my own worry of "what will they think of me", "what will they say about me", etc. I wanted to dress a certain way, talk a certain way, eat certain things, look a certain way, hell I even wanted my hand writing to look a certain way! That's how badly I wanted to "fit in".

I was friends with people who weren't really my friends. I was polite to people and reached out to people who, unfortunately, didn't really deserve my kindness and open-heart.

For so long, I have waited for someone to come along and punch my paper doll out of the sheet of paper and help me to find my purpose.

However, I have found that there is no one out there who can do that, except me.

Whatever I want in life, I have to work for, I have to try for, I have to make and effort for, I have to make my own purpose!

So, what am I doing?

I'm doing things for me, for a change.  I'm no longer attempting to hide who I really am or who I'm not. I'm open about me. If people don't like it, that's fine. If they do like it, that's fine too!

I'm just so sick and tired of waiting while I'm stuck in the same place.

I will punch my own paper doll out of the paper and show her what her purpose is! Even if I don't entirely know it yet. That's how we learn.