Been a while.
To my loyal readers, I need to apologize. It has been way too long since I have last posted. I didn't feel I had much to share with you though.
I was "normal"-ing out for a couple of weeks. I had been very manic, and I was coming down off of that mania and leveling out into a stable place.
But then I began to slip. The darkness was coming at me, full force, like a freight train from hell.
I stopped working out.
I ate a lot of junk.
I drank with the intention to get drunk.
I stopped cleaning the apartment.
We had HUGE piles of laundry that needed to be put away.
I was going to bed early (for me) and sleeping late.
It was difficult to do anything besides sit on the couch.
My body felt as if it would just tense into a tight little ball every time I had to bathe.
Life was just... hard.
I didn't want to write. I didn't want to see it in words that I was in my depressed state again. I knew how I felt, I sure as hell didn't need it spelled out in front of me!
I knew I needed to do something. I had to change my mind set and start digging my way out of my own grave.
First things first, I got out of bed. I know that doesn't seem huge, but it is! Then I hopped in the shower and enjoyed the hot water for a while. I washed my face and styled my hair into a bun (a simple yet acceptable look for me). I brushed my teeth and made my shake and took my vitamins and made some tea. My husband came home and I told him what has been happening with me lately. He could see it, but he didn't know how to help. I told him that we just needed to keep pushing forward, and I need to help myself.
So, we cleaned out the refrigerator and took out our garbage and recycling. After that, we decided to get a small amount of only healthy groceries.
Then, I reached out to people. I tend to stop talking to people (which for me, is unusual, normally) when I slip into the darkness. So I talked to my amazing health coach and my best friend. I talked to a good friend and got her started on a great nutrition plan tonight! I even rekindled an old friendship with someone I walked out on a while back, who did not deserve that.
People forgave me and expressed how they just wanted to help.
But what I need to do is forgive and help myself.
It's hard to pull yourself up by yourself. It's hard, in this day and age, to be your own biggest cheerleader. But I'm trying. I don't always succeed. I didn't last week. But I'm getting there. And I know if I can pull myself out of the darkness, anyone can with the right help!
I was "normal"-ing out for a couple of weeks. I had been very manic, and I was coming down off of that mania and leveling out into a stable place.
But then I began to slip. The darkness was coming at me, full force, like a freight train from hell.
I stopped working out.
I ate a lot of junk.
I drank with the intention to get drunk.
I stopped cleaning the apartment.
We had HUGE piles of laundry that needed to be put away.
I was going to bed early (for me) and sleeping late.
It was difficult to do anything besides sit on the couch.
My body felt as if it would just tense into a tight little ball every time I had to bathe.
Life was just... hard.
I didn't want to write. I didn't want to see it in words that I was in my depressed state again. I knew how I felt, I sure as hell didn't need it spelled out in front of me!
I knew I needed to do something. I had to change my mind set and start digging my way out of my own grave.
First things first, I got out of bed. I know that doesn't seem huge, but it is! Then I hopped in the shower and enjoyed the hot water for a while. I washed my face and styled my hair into a bun (a simple yet acceptable look for me). I brushed my teeth and made my shake and took my vitamins and made some tea. My husband came home and I told him what has been happening with me lately. He could see it, but he didn't know how to help. I told him that we just needed to keep pushing forward, and I need to help myself.
So, we cleaned out the refrigerator and took out our garbage and recycling. After that, we decided to get a small amount of only healthy groceries.
Then, I reached out to people. I tend to stop talking to people (which for me, is unusual, normally) when I slip into the darkness. So I talked to my amazing health coach and my best friend. I talked to a good friend and got her started on a great nutrition plan tonight! I even rekindled an old friendship with someone I walked out on a while back, who did not deserve that.
People forgave me and expressed how they just wanted to help.
But what I need to do is forgive and help myself.
It's hard to pull yourself up by yourself. It's hard, in this day and age, to be your own biggest cheerleader. But I'm trying. I don't always succeed. I didn't last week. But I'm getting there. And I know if I can pull myself out of the darkness, anyone can with the right help!
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