My happy place.

I went camping with my parents from Saturday to Tuesday. We were up at the place that I like to refer to as "the place I will someday run away to", otherwise known as Crosslake.

I have been camping up in Crosslake since I was 6 months old. My dad taught me how to ride my bike up there, My husband proposed to me on the dock under the stars up there, I celebrated my wedding day up there, and my husband (friends and family too) and I go up there and stay for a week over our anniversary every year and enjoy a bottle of champagne where we were married.

Basically, I have been up there every year (practically) since I was born.

It's more than a home away from home for me. It's my life and where I want to spend the rest of my life. I feel at peace up in Crosslake. I love being in nature, being on the lakes, seeing trees, stars, and log cabins all around. Campfires every summer night, small town celebrations where you become a regular. I leave my heart up there every time I come back, and my stomach is in knots every time I begin the journey "home".

I have expressed to Matt that this is where I would love to live, and he would be fine with that as long as he had a job and it was a simple life. That is all he has ever told me he has wanted, a simple life.

I have not made this very easy for him to accomplish, but he is an incredible and loyal man, and I love him beyond words.

It wasn't until I was at Crosslake this past weekend that I realized what Matt had always meant by saying he wants to live a "simple life". I was meditating out on the dock, listening to the waves roll in, birds chirping, dragonflies buzz, and the breeze blow through the tall pines, focused on my breathing when it hit me. This is what I want. I want to wake up every morning to a place where I feel welcome, at home, and at peace. I want to be on the lakes with my husband, our two dogs, maybe someday some children (maybe not), and live in Crosslake. I want everything about that simple life and idea to belong to Matt and myself.

It sounds peaceful, and restorative.

Thanks to my doctors, therapist, support from my loved ones --- this may actually be a possibility for Matt and me in our future.

And that's enough to make me smile and feel at peace for now --

The dock where Matt proposed to me under the stars.

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