Straight? Bi? Pan?... What?

My dear brother invited my mom and I to an amazing open-mic experience last night.

Everyone was educated on other's experiences, life stories, past, present, and histories ranging from topics of parents, transgender lives/movement, LGBT history, correct usage of pronouns, and so much more! It was absolutely moving. I cried, I laughed, I got mad, I was sad, I was upset, I was beyond happy... So many emotions and so many thoughts running through my manic mind.

One thing I did feel occurred in this "safer space" was a little bit of "straight hate". It sounds so awful to say that knowing how much the LGBT community has suffered, and continues to suffer.

I, myself, (until recently) have always identified as bisexual, just to come to realize I actually identify more as a pansexual. I don't want to go into great deal what that means, so here's an informative and educational description of pansexuality and the difference between it and bisexuality as well as polysexuality.

http://www.stop-homophobia.com/pansexuality.htm

For more resources, feel free to visit the GLAAD website:
http://www.glaad.org/

Anyways, back to what I was originally saying...

I, unfortunately, feel ostracized from multiple groups based on my sexual orientation, as well as my marriage and who I fell in love with.

To begin with, I feel partially excluded by heterosexuals. I know... it's weird for me to say that! I am married to a man for goodness sakes! However, even my husband will make comments about me being attracted to others where I just shake my head and think, "I'm not attracted to EVERYONE just because I'm pansexual... I'm choosey. I just don't worry about the gender of the person I'm attracted to."

So, it may seem like I fit in with "straight community" (haha!), but I feel I am not being true to myself. As if, people who really know me may perceive my husband as a "beard" for me.

Don't get me wrong now --- I LOVE MY HUSBAND! He is absolutely the love of my life!

Now, on the other hand, I feel somewhat excluded by the LGBT community because of the fact that people see me with my husband and I immediately get placed in the heterosexual "category". So, I'm then labeled as an ally --- suddenly, I am not allowed to talk a certain way, say certain things, go certain places, etc. And that freaking sucks!!!

I just don't get it. I don't understand why people can't just love who they want. Not be judged for who they love. And be accepted by all for who they are, not who they are with.

Pansexual problems, I tell ya.

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