I want to hold your hand.

I was weak.
I was really weak.
I was angry.
I was really angry.
I missed you like crazy, and you weren't there.

I wasn't in a good place with my life.
I was insecure, anxious, worried, depressed, angry, hurt, and confused.

And for so long, I had depended on you to help me through those types of emotions.
But you weren't there.
You were in a new relationship, and it was so special and so important to you.
Rightfully so.

But I needed... wanted you there.
Maybe I was a bit jealous.
But ultimately, I was lonely and hurt. Because I missed you... above all I missed you.

I pushed you away when you finally extended you hand to me.
I was so angry.
I was not accepting of your new lives together.
I was selfish and I hurt you. Both of you.

It was awful to cut you out of my life.
I could have approached things a lot better, by telling you how I felt and talking face-to-face.

Unfortunately, I cannot change how I handled things in the past.

I can, however, change how I view the two of you and handle things today.

I'm in a better place, and in a way, I think I can thank the both of you for that.
I had to learn how to stand on my own without relying so heavily on you.
I went about it all wrong, but I did learn from the situation.

Ultimately, and above all, I miss you. Both of you.
I want you both back in my life.
No matter what has happened between us... I still love you both. And no matter what comes, if it is anything, or nothing, I will still love you... No matter what.
You are, have been, and always will be a big influence in my life.

I just...

I want to hold your hand.

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