Before the bipolar...
Going back into adult Jill's past to the time of pubescent (Gross word, I know), emerging teenager Jill. I was in eighth grade... What a crappy time of life. Everything about yourself is changing, and you hate it all.
I was very emotional in eighth grade, as I'm sure most of you reading this were as well. It's just a really rough time in an adolescent's life.
On top of being very emotional, I listened to a lot of angry music which didn't help my unpleasant disposition. And then to top it all off, a very close friend of mine that went to my church passed away. He inspired me in so many ways, and always had time to give me a hug and a smile. Basically... it broke me. I had never felt so broken in my life. I didn't think I would be able to make it.
One particular evening, when the darkness had decide to full on devour every last bit of my soul, I tried to take my life. I overdosed on sleeping pills.
A family friend, at the time, brought me to my aunt Gayle's house (my parents were out for the night, and Gayle was like another mother to me) to be with until my parents got home. Don't worry, they called poison control and I honestly told them how many I took. I would be okay, really tired, but okay.
It was disappointing to hear.
But Gayle, she was amazing. She wasn't even mad at me. It was almost as if... she understood why I did it, like she could relate to me.
From what I remember of our conversation, between the "I'm still awake"-state and the heavy blanket of "I'm going to pass out now", she told me of her struggles and why she chose to live her life.
For those of you who didn't know my aunt Gayle, she was ill and suffered torment from bullies as a child as well as constant pain most of her adult life. She died too young, but it was almost (it hurts my heart to say this) a relief to see her go. Just to know she wouldn't be in pain anymore...
I don't want to share here some of the things she told me. I'm sorry, but it was a special moment that only an Aunt and a Niece can share together.
Basically, I learned that life is worth living. Every life. No matter what your struggle is, it is never bad enough to take your own life, despite how you may feel!
I know it may feel like you are in the worst situation possible, and that this mountain is just to big to climb... but trust me, once you get over the peak, you will look back and see it was just a bump in the road.
I know it sounds far fetched, but it is the truth.
And if you need to talk confidentially... call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1 (800) 273-8255
My therapist gave me this gem... I love it...
I was very emotional in eighth grade, as I'm sure most of you reading this were as well. It's just a really rough time in an adolescent's life.
On top of being very emotional, I listened to a lot of angry music which didn't help my unpleasant disposition. And then to top it all off, a very close friend of mine that went to my church passed away. He inspired me in so many ways, and always had time to give me a hug and a smile. Basically... it broke me. I had never felt so broken in my life. I didn't think I would be able to make it.
One particular evening, when the darkness had decide to full on devour every last bit of my soul, I tried to take my life. I overdosed on sleeping pills.
A family friend, at the time, brought me to my aunt Gayle's house (my parents were out for the night, and Gayle was like another mother to me) to be with until my parents got home. Don't worry, they called poison control and I honestly told them how many I took. I would be okay, really tired, but okay.
It was disappointing to hear.
But Gayle, she was amazing. She wasn't even mad at me. It was almost as if... she understood why I did it, like she could relate to me.
From what I remember of our conversation, between the "I'm still awake"-state and the heavy blanket of "I'm going to pass out now", she told me of her struggles and why she chose to live her life.
For those of you who didn't know my aunt Gayle, she was ill and suffered torment from bullies as a child as well as constant pain most of her adult life. She died too young, but it was almost (it hurts my heart to say this) a relief to see her go. Just to know she wouldn't be in pain anymore...
I don't want to share here some of the things she told me. I'm sorry, but it was a special moment that only an Aunt and a Niece can share together.
Basically, I learned that life is worth living. Every life. No matter what your struggle is, it is never bad enough to take your own life, despite how you may feel!
I know it may feel like you are in the worst situation possible, and that this mountain is just to big to climb... but trust me, once you get over the peak, you will look back and see it was just a bump in the road.
I know it sounds far fetched, but it is the truth.
And if you need to talk confidentially... call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1 (800) 273-8255
My therapist gave me this gem... I love it...
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